Dave's Rocky Journey to a New Self
The nerve of it all -cutting my feed. What gumption. What audacity. No one cuts my feed. Those are my listeners. They paid good money to listen. Maybe I should not have been so quick to fire Dana and Frank. It was just temper. Maybe I can rehire. I will think about it. But not after what Dana said—I might go a bit over the top sometimes in support of GL but I do remember at her interview she said something like America hasn’t had a strong leader like that since FDR. Maybe that’s what we need now. That’s why I hired her. Frank is a different matter—fairly competent but something not right with that kid. He smiled in the wrong places. Always staring out to space when I am talking. Taking his time to bring me my Red Bull. Talking of which where is my flask of Johnny Red. Don’t say I Iost it. I checked my pockets as I waited for a cab to show up outside the arena. Walking a few blocks towards the downtown where the smoke and noise was emanating from, I ridiculously held out my arm outstretched signalling I was either suicidal masochist or desperate for a cab ride home. One of the female protestors must have recognized me and was going nuts—yelling “We are with you Ross.” That bolstered my spirits almost as much as the Johnny Red I was swigging from my flask. I waved back to her and she yelled from across the street “please come and join us” . I yelled back I have a plane to catch—going to DC to see if I can help GL form his new government. A cheer went up. As I was walking towards another major road that cut through the commercial district a cab pulled up. It was my lucky night. A few other people ran after it but I politely but firmly pushed them aside. “He pulled up for me you morons.. The Renaissance on Cassidy” The Arab or Indian cabbie I could not tell— both groups liked to display their family photographs as if the cab was their living room. I guessed Indian because the amount of gold trinkets attached to the rear view mirror—Indians loved their gold. What a a fucking life driving a cab these days I thought as I sat back in the quite roomy Hundai Sonata. How the hell do they do business when Uber is so much more efficient and cheaper. I suspected that it was from getting their business from big sporting events like this one. I guess they get an additional bump when the cell phone network goes down like tonight. Way to go free market—there is a place for everyone and an opportunity for anyone to earn an honest dollar. .
“Busy night eh?” I asked
“I hear that GL just gave a fiery speech” he said in an unmistakably Indian accent. A bit older than the usual family men types who drive cabs. Possibly he had been a businessman either here or in India I thought before falling on hard times.
“It was awesome man-you should have been there’
“I hope not too awesome and he didn’t call for us people of color to be lynched or something” he said with a trace of a laugh
‘No he loves all people--you know that--all Americans that is”
“Oh sure but shouldn’t he wait for us to count the votes”
“ The reason is last time the vote was rigged and this time we have to avoid that problem”
“Forgive me I don’t understand. Rigged. There was no evidence either now or then”
“With respect I don’t think you read the papers hard enough” I said
A few minutes into our journey the cell phone started to beep alive—I had a ton of texts —scrolling through them I saw one from Rick Harvey—GL’ s top communication and strategy guy.
“Excuse me while I make a call” I said being ultra respectful to people I hate allowed me to keep out of trouble—except when I lose it as I did with Dana and Frank
I punched in the numbers and amazingly Rick picked up right away.y.
‘Great speech tonight Rick” I said
“I saw it all amazing Dave” said Rick
“Did you write it?” I asked half in jest
He laughed ---“It's all his”
“Set off a riot here” I said laughing
“Riots all over--that’s what happens when you turn over the deep state apple cart.” said Rick in the same calm voice you might reserve for talking away a child’s fears before bedtime
“I'm in if you know what I mean-I am ready to jump” I said.
“Well consider you landed Dave--you are in a safe place--we were talking about you as head of the INS” said Rick
“What’s that?” I asked
“Immigration and Naturalization Service” Rick said matter of factly without condescension.
“Really?” I asked
“Really Dave you earned it--your loyalty in toeing the line about illegals being arrested and placed in detention camps was appreciated. Its GL policy now and its high priority on day one in January.” said Rick with some extra salesman-like warmth in his voice
“So grateful to you Rick” I said trying to return the emotion
“Get your suits ready and some spanking new ties. Point of fact can you be in DC Tomorrow--we have a high level meeting with some key players--I will text you the address over messenger with more details” said Rick
“Messenger?” I asked again dumbly
“Secure app. We will send a code over text and it needs to be opened within 20 minutes --so then its self executing” said Rick
“Great thanks Rick”I said
“Got to run now Dave see you in DC tomorrow” said Rick
“How early Rick?.” I asked as you might the time of your childs first playgroup
“8:00 am--you probably need to get on a flight this evening” said Rick
“There’s no way I am going to get out of here in time--the streets are blocked with traffic. I see some cars being set on fire. It's taken two hours to get a few blocks.I am still not at my hotel yet.” I said
“Wait at the hotel--we will send a secure car to take you to the private airfield. What hotel--just text me the address.” said Rick still remaining corporate and cool.
“I’m that important! Wow! OK will do Rick
“Yes you are that important” said Rick
Finally and what a time to feel that you achieved some kind of life goal in the middle of a riot I thought. Stories I could tell my grandchildren. Special cars--special planes, special meetings. It was thrilling and James Bondian and crazy all at once.
“ It's transition time in DC. Our plan is to have a fully formed administration before the democrats can ever figure out how they lost this election”
“Oh very cool” I said
“There’s more and that is why we need you back in DC
Adrenaline was surging through my body. It was all going to work out. I was going to be a player after all. I could have a bigger platform. I wondered whether I could still do my radio gig and be a DC bigwig. I doubt it--but as soon
As I am out of office I could double or triple my fees. Speaking all over the country. Women would flock. GL was going to fucking do it. Nothing would stand in their way-not even the slight matter of getting a sufficient number of votes at an election I laughed to myself. After all he had nearly got away with January 6 and managed to turn the tables on all the prosecutions. The guy was a natural born genius. What did he do afterwards? Become the head of his party. Nothing could stand in his way.
I say nothing. He remembered loyal people who stuck with him through thick and thin. I was the one who popularized his name the Grand Liberator and then shortened it to GL. Well the GL and I had a romance with destiny. It was going to be quite a ride. No one could deny that from tonight’s evidence.
It took another hour to negotiate through streams of GL supporters. Police sirens were going off at the same time as storefront alarms making for a cacophonous noise. People came up to the car at the stop sign banging on the cab windows--their faces wrapped in scarves --it looked like they might have been the victims of tear gas.’
The driver started to pull down the window.
I yelled “stop --don’t do that--there’s tear gas out there.”
“I just want to help” said the Indian who took a sip from his flask of something liquid as a bead of sweat formed on his brow.
Two people were desperate enough to lay on the hood and at that the cabbie pressed his horn and started to jerk forward. Two bodies fell off.
“Boss I can’t go any further”the cabbie shouted after we rammed the vehicle in front of us who suddenly braked trying to avoid someone running in front of him
“This is a shit storm” I muttered.
“I will give you my card and pay for any damage--just get me to the fucking hotel. There’s no way we are stopping now. There’s nowhere to fucking stop anyway.” I said surprising myself with my sense of alarm.
“I know some back streets back to my house” the cabbie said
“Now you tell me” I said in disgust. “You were supposed to take me to my hotel. Remember!”
“Your hotel is another six or seven blocks further towards where the crowds are going. You would be better off walking. My house is closer and for my safety, yours and that of ,my car I need to go there ”
When another person soaked in blood came stumbling out of the darkness and tried to open the passenger side door the cabbie cracked”
“Get the fuck out of this cab now” he screamed findng a particulary Indian high pitched register.
I slipped him the $100 dollar bill I always carried for emergencies but not my card which I thought in hindsight might be a mistake. He might ask for more money since if it was not obvious today to a lot of people I was a leading GL supporter--it would be very soon.
I stepped out into what looked like a warzone--some looting had taken place and broken glass was everywhere as was the smell of something acrid and noxious. Tear gas. Lacking a scarf I unbuttoned my coat enough to wrap some of it about my mouth and nose. A few people had collapsed on the street and were looking dazed waiting for medical help. I started to run--but fell over a traffic sign that someone had ripped out of its post and placed in the street. I fell badly on my hip and knee but my adrenaline was pumping so fast I felt I could ignore the pain at least for now. I knew down the road it would be flooding in along with the blood soon enough. Staggering over a lot of bodies and people trying to move rapidly through as though they had an appointmet somewhere I finally I made it to the hotel and collapsed at the concierge desk.
“I need medical help but have a room reservation here.” I gasped before blacking out.
When I came too I found I had been lifted out onto an ER gurney. It was moments later that I heard my cell phone go off.
“Text me the fucking number of your hotel” said Rick in an angry mood
“Oh shit—I forgot—been in a riot—got injured. I am OK now. Just getting ready to go to the ER” I said trying to put things together in a voice and manner he would recognize as me.
I signaled to the paramedics who were just about to lift me out of there to stop--this was an important call.
“Tell them this is a 911 call. You need to go to the ER now.” said one of the medics—bearded and kind looking but also looking totally exhausted
“I’m heading for the ER --I’m in a gurney” I said to Rick
“Tell them it won’t be necessary the van we are sending is fully equipped and the plane leaves Columbus in 90 minutes” said Rick as if sending me an order. The thought crossed my mind that he now was controlling me. I was his property.
“I am at the Renaissance Marriott on Cassidy Street downtown Columbus”
“Stay put—say no to going to the ER —you have to give consent.” Rick was in charge and sounded like he had managed emergencies like this before. Maybe he had served in Iraq or Afghanistan as many in the GL inner circle had done.
“Im staying put fellas”
“You are staying here at your own risk.” said the bearded ER person
“I am going to get picked up by my own medical crew. I could tell you why and how
but then I would have to kill you” I joked
They did not laugh
“You are refusing medical treatment?” said a middle aged female ER worker who wore her hair in a bun and could be a standin for the country singer Reba.
“No—just not accepting yours as much as I love your charming smile” I said cheekily knowing they don’t like to fuck too much with victims who look like they had a bad night on the street.
“Just bandage me up the best you can.” I continued
“There must be plenty of action tonight for you guys to keep busy” I joked to zero laughter
“Sure there is--we have never heard anything like it --I hope whoever is picking you up has a medical license”said the bearded guy
“Fuck knows but its all going to work out. I have a feeling” I said growing in confidence as I visualized the private jet that was now waiting for me at Columbus airport.
After the Reba stand in engaged in some radio back and forth they shifted me onto a couch in the front lobby they left.
Five minutes later a black SUV came around the hotels’ front entrance with blue lights flashing.
Two men looking like members of Seal Team Six dressed in black army like gear holding a gurney stepped out and headed for me
“Dave Ross?” asked one
“Yes.” I said
“Lets go” my soldier of fortune said as he lifted me out onto a wheeled gurney and moved me into the back of the oversized black and no doubt armored SUV.
The only memories I have of the rest is being semi sedated on a special bed made for me on the Gulfstream G50 and feeling nausea. Hovering over me was a nurse who had placed an IV in me and was monitoring my heart rate and blood pressure. Outside was still dark when the captain came on the audio system and said we would be making our descent in a few minutes into Washington Dulles.
“Please buckle up. The landing could be a bit bumpy--we have strong headwinds”
It was a cue for the nurse, a kindly young blonde who wore a lot more makeup than I was used to nurses wearing, prepared me for landing by moving my bed to the upright position and taking out my IV. and some of the monitors.
“What time is it?” I asked
“Coming up to 4:00 am”she said in a soft Southern accent.
“What actually happened-I mean medically am I OK? I asked weakly
“You had a few bruises here and there--you lost some blodd so we gave you a transfusion
“You knew my blood type?”
“We also know your shirt and collar size—you would be surprised what we know about you Mr Ross.”
“Oh no I’m in trouble” I giggled
“Guess you are if you have any secrets to hide. We both laughed, the reality of what she just said not having quite sunk in yet.
“We are going to book you into one of our special hotels and get you cleaned up ready for that meeting at 8:00 am over at L’Enfant Plaza. The limo will pick us up” said one of the Seal Team types.
“I need some clean clothes” I said embracing my new authority
“We have that covered” The military man barked back with the nurse smiling in told you so fashion.
I was now a VIP—the limo was waiting on the concourse I was able with some assistance from Seal Team 6 to move comfortably into the back of the leather appointed car and feel the rush of climate controled air hit my face.
After a thirty minute nap in my hotel room my head started feeling a bit better. Showered and changed into the conservative suit shirt and tie they provided for me in my exact size. Looking in the mirror I found it hard to recognize myself as the former shock jock. I was a new man, ready for a new job and role in this wonderful land we like to call America.