Reviewing Trumps' first 100 days
Another SNL Cold Open
Miller: You called Sir
Trump: Yes—my presidency has to be a historic one—one so memorable they will all forget what presidents ever did before I came on the scene. I am a game changer so I quickly scanned your briefing book—your survey of all the failed presidencies that came before me that had been touted as successes. We are here to destroy their legacies
Miller: Oh yes sir—your presidency will rest on Make America Great Again
Trump: So we need to erase all their achievements.
Miller: Makes sense
Trump:So where do I start
Miller: Reverse civil rights protections, destroy our relations with our allies—I mean who needs NATO—we don’t get any return on our investment and those Europeans never pay their fair share.
Trump: How about sinking all the trade agreements that caused all that unemployment
Miller: How about Affordable health care?
Trump: You mean Obamacare—I tried several times and that war non-hero McCain voted with the Dems. I still mean to gut Medicaid to give some of my donors a taxcut
Miller: How about going after Cancer research—I mean that was a Biden priority
Trump: Yes and all medical research
Miller: It was a rich idea to make the anti vac and anti science RFK HHS secretary
Trump: So now Kennedy’s name is going to be forever tied to our effort to replace science with my own medical theories as I did with recommending a horse tranquilizer to fight Covid. I feel so much better spreading garbage theories while making sure I get the latest vaccines. I enjoyed also taking over the Kennedy Center—got most of the family upset with me-just as I intended.
Miller: Good moves because those white coated elitists need to be pulled down a peg or two
Trump: What else can I do to wreck their reputations?
Miller: Without of course wrecking American economy and democracy?
Trump: How about reversing that elitist idea that everyone is entitled to due process
Miller: Yes I agree antiquated—illegals don’t deserve any of that legal nonsense
Trump: Refugees, criminals are just a drain. Those judges are just like Harvard, Yale and Columbia— out of touch with the public—my MAGA base—we can go after those pointy head academics with their smug DEI policies that allow them to hire their friends.
Miller: How about reversing Biden’s support of Ukraine-and imposing sanctions on Russia?
Trump: Already done —Putin has a nasty habit of bombing civilians whenever I talk about peace talks but I think there is still hope he might change his mind when I buy up some of Ukraine’s mineral wealth.
Miller: You are doing a great job sir—how about FDR?
Trump: Well like FDR who got four terms as president I am trying to get a third term and I think we might be able to start another war against those mullahs in Iran and then destroy the social security and welfare network he established
Miller: This is heady stuff
Trump: And I have only been at this for 100 days and about to crush them all.